Don't Look Back & Don't Hold On!!!
We all do it at some stage in our life…look back and go (often with loads of regret) “What if?”…
We often start this process by looking at where we are currently. We consider our place in life. We examine whether our life has lived up to our dreams and aspirations - or has it completely gone in a different direction and you’re not really sure how you got there? Then we tend to look at where we have come from, almost like a gauge of comparison. But is that sort of reflection healthy, or even biblical.
The world is huge on the concept of ‘reflection’…but there needs to be a balance between reflecting on where we are at as a person, and looking back at the weight, depth and breadth of our past. Focussing on our past, with all our triumphs and our failures, can become a point of focus for us that ends up becoming an entangling mindset and sin. Also, the reflective practices are often steeped in the pagan, occultic practices of the New Age worldview.
When we focus too much on the past we are doing several things:
We are unhappy and discontent with where we are currently at - even at times when we are blessed with the most wealth, employment, possessions, relationships that we have ever experienced.
We long for what has been. This can turn into a form of idolatry, where we place items, situations and people (especially in relationships), on a pedestal and elevate them to a place of extreme importance. Often we use them as a benchmark by which we measure everything else that occurs in our life. Sort of like “Is this person I am with as good and as fun as so-and-so…” or “Is this job as good as…”.
We lack the forgiveness to forgive and then to set aside the wrongs that people have done to us. By holding onto those wrongs and constantly bringing them up in our minds or in conversations with them - that is creating a garden where the seeds of bitterness and anger can flourish.
Looking back also has one other significant issue with it. When we look back (especially with longing or I wish things were easier or better now) - it means that we are not placing our full trust in God.
(artwork by Schism)
There are many instances in the biblical scriptures that discuss what happens when the past becomes too much of a focal point in our lives. Each has a different perspective that adds to the whole picture of how we should treat the way we think about the past, about the future, and about our present.
Philippians 3:12-14 informs us that even Paul didn’t have his life sorted out, despite all the good work he was doing. Paul says…“I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.”
Firstly, it is interesting to note that Paul himself struggled with his past. He says, “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it…” - which means he is saying, I know how hard this struggle is because I am living it…but there is hope if you persevere and you move forward in your walk with God.
The thing about letting go of the past - is that you have to forget it even happened.
God does this to our sins (when we repent and ask for his forgiveness) - Psalm 103:12 informs us that “He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.”
One of the reasons we struggle emotionally and with our mental health is that we cling, almost violently, to our past - whether it be the things that we have done which we are ashamed of, or be it things that have people have done to that have hurt us deeply.
The key to our sanity, is to set aside the past and move on. Paul shows us that there are two phases of moving on.
The first is ‘Looking Forward’ - if we are constantly turning around and looking back, we cannot ever see what is before us. We have to look forward and stop looking back (much like Lot’s wife, which we will look at shortly). We MUST look forward, to our future and to a place where God has worked his perfect will for our life.
The second is ‘Press on and finish’ - if we give up, God can’t complete his work in us. If we quit a sports team, we cannot expect the coach to keep working with us. Yes the Holy Spirit can convict and guide us back towards God, even against our own flesh - however, it is not at a place where a person is so consumed by past events that it cripples them emotionally and spiritually. As we ‘press on’, we need to take each step, each day and each year as it comes. This is not a process that can be rushed…but it is a process that needs to happen.
Genesis 19:16-17,26 discusses what happened when Lot’s wife turned back to look at what they had left behind - “When Lot still hesitated, the angels seized his hand and the hands of his wife and two daughters and rushed them to safety outside the city, for the Lord was merciful. When they were safely out of the city, one of the angels ordered, “Run for your lives! And don’t look back or stop anywhere in the valley! Escape to the mountains, or you will be swept away!…But Lot’s wife looked back as she was following behind him, and she turned into a pillar of salt.”
For many Christians this is a familiar story. Lot’s family is fleeing the destruction of Sodom/Gomorrah, and one of the angels sent to guide and protect them gave them all a simple but serious instruction - “Do not look back or stop”…yet Lot’s wife was not obedient to that instruction.
But think about why was that instruction given. When you look back at something, we often stop. And by stopping and looking back we lose focus and sight of what is ahead of us.
God wants Lot’s family to focus on what’s ahead - much like Paul wrote about over a thousand years later.
This story also presents us with the consequences of looking back. Lot’s wife turned into a pillar of salt. What she turned into, is actually irrelevant for us today, but the fact she turned into something other than human is. If we constantly look back, and we stop our lives to constantly look back, our mental health, our physical health and our spiritual health will lead us to a place where our humanity is significantly diminished. We stop loving like we should, we stop caring like we should, we stop seeking God like we should, we stop forgiving like we should. The result is a bitter, twisted person whose heart grows dark - taking us away from our humanity - making us into something we shouldn’t be.
I Corinthians 13:5 informs us that Love does not, “… demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.”
One of the things that gets affected by a person constantly looking back is the ability to love, and love in a godly manner.
If a person is constantly holding other people to account for what they have done to them, in a state of unforgiveness - then it inhibits their ability to love that other person. This causes problems in every form of relationship a person can have.
As we have seen above, Ps 103:12 tells us that when God forgives he casts the sin away as far as it can go in the universe. HE does not holdout against us. Yet we, who are called to be like Christ, struggle to forgive others.
Most of the time, the other person has forgotten the offence. So, holding onto the hurt that they caused, and not forgiving them is actually doing more damage to you than it is to them.
Matthew 18:21-22 says, “Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!” - we need to keep forgiving people. And not only that, but forgetting what they did to us, so that we can be free emotionally from the hurt that is within us.
So, if we are to really love people, whether they are our husbands, wives, children, family members, work colleagues, church members or random people we meet during the course of our lives - we MUST forgive and forget what they have done to us that has caused us pain. We CANNOT keep a record of wrongs. That will become a burden that drags you under, and will take you to a dark place.
In Job 1:21, Job speaks with wisdom when he says, “He said, I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!” - God places us in seasons of life for a reason. Sometimes he gives and sometimes he takes. We need to accept that, and not always wings and whine about where we are in life. And trust me, this is something that I am still working on in my own life because of all the significant trials and tribulations that I have experienced in the nearly five decades of my life. We need to learn to let things go, both the good and the bad. For when we hold onto things, we are not holding onto God. You cannot hold onto both God and things - it is spiritually and physically impossible.
In closing, I would like to say that I am like Paul… “Brothers and sisters, I have not achieved this” - but I do know the direction that you and I need to move in to reach the fullness of our lives in Jesus Christ. My prayer for you is that you turn your focus to the future and keep taking each step as it comes, moving forward and onwards till you finish the race of your life. May God guide you and bless you in this journey.